Thursday, March 26, 2009

For Science! (God Help Me)

Okay, I'm back and ready to tackle some more chip flavors. Last time we started the day off with a hearty "Builder's Breakfast" that tasted more like the actual builder than a breakfast (it totally destroyed my stomach too). After eating breakfast we took a sojourn into little India and partied it up Bollywood style with the best flavor so far, "Onion Bhaji" chips. So in the words of Sir Elton John, "I'm still standin'" so lets get this show on the road.

On today's menu we have "Chili & Chocolate," brought to us today by Catherine from High Wycombe, and "Cajun Squirrel," brought to us by Martyn from Hednesford. Now to say I was not scared about trying either of these flavors would be a bold-faced lie. I fear for the well being of my stomach, and taste-buds. Seriously, I don't know where to start here, so I guess I will start with the one that sounds the nastiest, "Chili & Chocolate." Here goes nothing.

With my initial inspection of "Chili & Chocolate" chips I noticed a chili pepper sunbathing on a towel/blanket of chocolate, a poorly drawn sunbathing chili pepper at that as well. I guess they figure a personified vegetable would trick you into trying this flavor out. It is as if the big doe eyes of this chili pepper are saying "I'm not going to hurt you, trust me, I'm delicious!" Well I am not falling for that trick, I am sure these will hurt me in a few hours. I can only take solace in the fact that this will be the only time I will try a chip flavor like this.Thank God! After opening the bag I took the obligatory sniff. Oddly enough I didn't smell chocolate, or chili. Instead, I smelled potatos. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark when your "Chili & Chocolate" chips smell like neither chocolate nor chili. What the eff? So after smelling these chips I decided to take the plunge and eat a few. There really was no initial taste. That is when I knew I was in trouble. My taste buds were surrounded again by after taste. I was scared. The first taste to hit was the chocolate. The chocolate just permeated my mouth and the back of my nasal passages. You know it is bad when you can taste and smell your food at the same time. Surprisingly there was little heat factor from the chili flavor. The chili flavoring hits you shortly after the chocolate deals its one-two punch to your tongue and nose, diverting your attention away from the nuclear blast that is surely to come from the chili flavor. As I mentioned there was no heat associated with the chili flavor initially. After I had a few more chips the heat was proverbially turned up. Again my tongue and nasal passages were pummeled with fire and brimstone in the form of chocolate and chili.

With all the above being said these chips aren't half bad. They weren't better than "Onion Bhaji" but they were definitely better than "Builder's Breakfast." For what it is worth they actually tasted good, well at least I didn't mind the taste. But then again that could be due to the fact that my taste buds may have been burned off and I can't discern the true flavor of the chips. Either way "Chili & Chocolate" was a pleasant surprise. Granted one must try more than one chip to get the whole spectrum of the flavor. I honestly thought trying "Chili & Chocolate" would be synonomous with Dante's descent into hell, but I was pleasantly surprised that this was not so. I wouldn't go so far as to say my experience was like Dante's journey to Paradise either. It may have been closer to purgatory. The chips weren't good, but they weren't bad either. They were just chips with an odd flavor combination that didn't do much for me. Overall I give "Chili & Chocolate" two and a half spuds out of five.

Next up we have "Cajun Squirrel" chips. This is obviously some sort of underhanded joke meant to poke fun at Americans. For some reason the Brits like to make fun of Americans. Maybe they are just jealous, or they could still be a bit bitter over the Revolution, or 1812, or who knows what. All I know is that we (Americans) really don't make fun of the Brits too much. Maybe it's because we don't care enough to. Anyway, the name "Cajun Squirrel" probably is some joke referencing how Americans are all a bunch of cowboy rednecks, and wife beaters. The back of the bag reads: " Martyn's taste for the exotic led him to come up with this mild cajun flavor. Thankfully, no squirrels were harmed in the making of this crisp (chip)!" Well that's a relief! I really thought they ground squirrels up into a powder and sprinkled them on my chips. Well ok, I didn't really but I guess there might be someone out there who did/does think that. Upon opening the bag and again sniffing the chips I was afraid. Very afraid. The bag smelled like stale gravy (is that even possible) and roast. I've never really had the urge to make meat products into chips but the British sure do. "Cajun Squirrel" is just one in a long line of meat themed, British potato chip snacks. I've tried a few before "Cajun Squirrel" like "Turkey and Stuffing," "Roast Chicken," "Beef Teriaki," and "Prawn Coctail." All winning chip flavors huh? I wasn't too impressed with other meat flavored chips I have tried while traveling in England, and my expectations are not too high for "Cajun Squirrel."

Upon eating a handful of "Cajun Squirrel" I did not taste stale gravy or roast. Instead they tasted more like stale American barbeque chips. The taste wasn't overwhelming at all. When I hear cajun I think spicy, and frankly "Chili & Chocolate" were spicier than these "cajun" chips. They did have a smokey flavor though. I could also taste hints of pepper, and paprika. The meat flavor was disappointing. For a meat flavored chip, the spices sure overpower the meat taste. In fact the meat taste is more of an after thought. The "squirrel" part of this chip tastes more like that nasty meat product that they give you in your school lunches in elementary and high school, or at the cafeteria in college. The meat tastes like it has been on the steam table for way too long and is now the consistency of the rubber on the bottom of your shoe. If they stayed away from the meat aspect of this chip, the chips would be more enjoyable. The sheer fact that the meat taste just hangs around your mouth as an after thought to the whole taste experience really put me off. Maybe I don't get it because I am an American, but I still can't wrap my mind around the concept of making my potato chips taste like meat. Maybe it is a cultural thing, I don't know, but what I do know is that my expectations were low, and they were met. So I can't really fault the chip producer for that. I will give them this though, "Cajun Squirrel" was better than "Chili & Chocolate." And for that I give "Cajun Squirrel" three spuds out of five. And that is saying something for a meat product chip.

Well that about does it for this installment of "For Science." Hopefully I will survive the night. Tomorrow will bring the third and final segement of "For Science." But if you will excuse me now. There is a w00t-off going on. Tune in next time.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

For Science! A little delay...

Well I know you all were expecting another thrilling installment in masochism today, but I must inform you that this will not be so, at least for today. Remember how I mentioned something about "Builder's Breakfast" had the potential to blow my ass off. Well that potential was realized. My sarcasm turned into a cold, hard fact today. My ass has been blown off, literally, and I will speak no more of it and leave the grizzly details to your own imaginations. But fear not, there will be another addition to "For Science" tomorrow, I promise. I just have to give my stomach time to recover. Who knew that taste testing chips would be so dangerous? Certainly not me, or my stomach for that matter. Tune in next time, I promise I will have a new review posted for some mystery chip flavors.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

For Science!

As I mentioned in my last post, I am going to try some rather exotic chip flavors from England (sounds like an oxymoron, I know). Today's picks are "Builder's Breakfast," and "Onion Bhaji," chips. Now I don't know how many of you know this but the Frito-Lays Potato Chip company is known as Walkers Potato Chips by our cousins across the pond. Any how, let's just say the chip flavors are interesting to say the least. I hope you enjoy reading about my experience/pain as much as I did. So without further adieu let's get snacking!

So first up we have "Builder's Breakfast," I was immediately drawn to this flavor due to the smiley face breakfast picture on the front of the package. Here is how the flavor of the chips are described: " Combining the mouth-watering flavours (sic) of bacon, buttered toast, eggs and tomato sauce, there's mortar to Emma's crisps (that's what brits call chips) than meets the eye!" MMMM....sounds delicious huh? I guess a woman named Emma came up with the idea for this flavor of chips. Who knows? The fact that this woman is from a place called Belper (honestly I couldn't make up these town names if I tried) surely adds to the fact that these chips are going to blow my ass off. When I opened the bag I took a good whiff. These chips didn't smell like bacon, not even buttered toast. In fact they smelled more like ketchup and builder's sweat. So far I am beginning to think this was a bad idea. After trying a handful of chips I was surprised. Right off the bat you taste baked beans with hints of tomato sauce and a bit of smokiness. The initial taste was actually quite pleasant. I enjoyed this chip flavor, but then the after taste hit. To be honest, my breathe smelled and tasted like World War Three. The bacon and toast flavors pulled a submarine move and stuck to my tongue the way an oil slick sticks to an otter. I don't like to taste my food twice (most of the time), this aftertaste, in a word, was toxic. Enough said. Overall, I really don't know what a real "Builder's Breakfast" would taste like, but I'm pretty sure this is not it. Who ever subsists off of ketchup and baked beans, the two primary flavors of this chip, must look like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, and smell like a baby diaper filled with a diarrhea dump. If I had to rate this chip I would give it two spuds out of five, definitely not a keeper, or a good snack choice for that matter.

Next up on the list is the "Onion Bhaji" chips. A woman from Durham, England named Carole came up with this one. The flavor is described on the back of the package as follows: " Carole is confident that her mildly spicy, curry-house accompaniment can bhaji its way into the lead and tikka all of the nation's boxes!" Very descriptive, what exactly is "bhaji" to begin with, and curry isn't even a real spice, just a term invented by the british to describe any sort of Asian food that is spicy. So I am assuming I will get a taste of little India with these chips. As I opened the bag, I again took in the aroma of the chips. I smelled something like chicken broth and onion powder. This aroma is very similar to the Top Ramen spice, in fact it is exactly like Top Ramen spice. Expecting to taste Top Ramen in chip form I munched on a handful of "Onion Bhaji" flavored chips. To my surprise they were actually quite good. The onion flavors were there but they didn't over power the spiciness of the chip. I could taste the onion, some cumin, black pepper, and even some garlic. There was even a hint of citrus in the chips. I was pleasantly surprised, no Top Ramen here, just a Bollywood party in my mouth, and everyone is invited. Words really can't describe what my taste experience was like with "Onion Bhaji" chips, but if I had to distill my experience into video it would probably be something like this:



Needless to say, so far this is the best chip flavor. With no toxic aftertaste, just the right ratio of onion to spice, Walkers somehow managed to distill little India onto a chip, and I love it. I wouldn't go so far as to say Ghandi would be proud, but maybe Nehru would. The world will never know. But I give this flavor four spuds out of five.

Well that does it for the first segment of "For Science!" Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I would tell you, but that would just spoil all the fun. Until then, tune in next time. See you all tomorrow!

Monday, March 23, 2009

New Segment Coming Soon...

Hey all, well I am just going to come right out and say it: I haven't had anything to write about lately, until now. After braving the weather and Utah drivers, I finally arrived back to Tooele to find a package from my Mum on my bed. To my astonishment it not only contained my favorite treats from Europe, Jaffa Cakes, Kinder Chocolate, and Cadbury's Chocolate, it also contained some oddities of sorts. To put it bluntly it contained some snack sized bags of chips with questionable flavors. So it hit me: why not try these bags of chips and then blog about what I find. I won't go into details here about what I am going to try, that will just take the fun out of it, but right now it is getting late, and frankly I am a little emotional.

I just finished the final episode of Scifi Channel's (or is it SyFy now?) reimagined take on "Battlestar Galactica." Seriously watching this last episode and knowing it is the last one ever is like having your pet die, you remember all the good times you had with the pet, and yet you are sad you will not have any more good times with said pet. Seriously, if you haven't seen the new "Battlestar Galactica" you should, words cannot describe the awesomeness of this show. I don't know how I could have gotten through college, or any other week for that matter without this show. I would not have gotten my homework done during the week if it were not for Ronald Moore and David Eick's reinterpretation of this show. It has everything a good show should have: sexy chicks, violence, mythology, realism, relativism, a great plot, mystery, sexy chicks, suspense, and great character arcs just to name a few. I'm glad my roommate Ian got me into this show relatively early in its progression. "Battlestar Galactica" is seriously a show that will be talked about for years to come. The ending blew me away, honestly I don't know how they pulled it off. The expectations for the ending of this series were monumental, and somehow Moore and Eick and all the writers did it. The odds were against them and they took a risk and for me, it worked. I won't give away the end for those of you who may want to check out the series, but the rollercoaster ride that was "Battlestar Galactica" has a thrilling conclusion. Check it out if you are at all interested in Science Fiction.

Hopefully this week I can get to the first few bags of chips and let you all feel my pain, or pleasure by what I find. Until then tune in next time.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Comcast Commercials SUCK!

So today I thought that I would write about something that has irked me for the past couple of days. I don't know how many of you subscribe to Comcast cable, or even pay attention to such things, but their new commercials are just horrible. Luckily, where I am at we don't have cable (we pirate all of our cable shows off of such wonderful web sites like ninjavideo)but if we did, Comcast would be the only cable provider for us to choose from. Anyway, I digress. Back to the commercials. These new Comcast commercials are just horrible. Who ever came up with their new ad campaign needs to be sacked. To give you an idea of how bad these commericials are I will try to describe their suck. So here goes nothing.

First off, the Comcast's ad campaign is titled "Dream Big." Dream big about what? Sitting on the couch stuffing my face with chips and soda? I guess it sounds good to have a million HD channels and have your internet, phone, and cable bills all tied together. But is this really what we are supposed to be dreaming about, more TV channels? If the content of television warranted "Dreaming Big," I would better understand this ad campaign. But since most of the shows on television entail some sort of "reality," this or that I can hardly see anything inspiring me, or any other viewer for that matter, to "Dream Big." If anyone seriously wants to compete to be some brainless man or woman's bride or groom, "The Bachelor," a false sense of fame, "American Idol," or something else that isn't really tangible. I guess what I am trying to say here is that based on the content on Television unless you want to dream to be the biggest peeping tom, or the most notorious voyeur in the world keep watching TV, there is plenty of crap on it to inspire you. For the rest of us, I don't think this message really works.

Secondly the music and the sound of the actors' voices is just grating on the nerves. If you have seen the movie "Juno," or listened to any music considered "indie," or part of the "hipster," social subgroup you will know what I am talking about. Basically stereotypical "indie," music sounds uninspired, the musicians sound bored and tired most of the time. Now, this is not to say that "indie," (and I use this term very loosely, for lack of a better term,) is all bad. I happen to like quite a few groups that would be considered "indie," bands. Any how the actors sound exactly like a stereotypical "indie" band: like they are on lortab. Now I'm not one to have high standards for sales gimmicks, but if you're trying to sell me something, at least sound like you are excited to sell it to me. When you sound bored, tired, and uninterested in the product or service you are selling to me, I become bored, tired and uninterested in the product you are selling to me. It's as simple as that. This is just a poor attempt at trying to sound "hip," and "cool" to gen Xers, Yers, and hipsters. Enough said, anyone with a brain can see through that part of the ad campaign.

The actual content of these ads also leaves something to be desired. Everyone acts like they are going about their daily business in some sort of cartoon world. WTF?!?!?! I don't know about you but I don't live in a cartoon world unless I take acid ( I do not condone the use of drugs, I have never done acid, I swear). In one ad, there is a dude sitting in his hot tub watching TV, who does that? With all the money I would spend on a flat screen television, I sure as hell would not put it above my hot tub. Real people don't do that kind of thing unless they have Giraffe money (i.e. people who have: A. enough money to buy a giraffe and B. know where, how, and who to get a Giraffe from). I don't have Giraffe money, and most of the people I know don't have Giraffe money either. In my favorite of the bad Comcast ads a guy is "singing" about how his girlfriend is kept happy because Comcast's plan includes a DVR or TiVo or some sort of recording device, I don't know. But the point is this guy does not have a girlfriend as hot as the one in the ad. This guy seriously looks like a poor man's Seth Rogen. No girl as hot as this guys commercial girlfriend would go for a guy like that, unless he had Giraffe money. Frankly, a more realistic commercial would depict this guy as a frat guy drinking beer with his buds watching scrambled porn in a roach motel of an apartment, eating stale pizza they ordered God knows how long ago, while rocking out to Jack Johnson or Nickelback, high fiving everytime they think they see a fuzzy boob, or shotgun a beer. I like the sound of that commercial way better, more realistic I think.

These Comcast commercials have been grating on me for a couple days now so I thought I would make a feeble attempt at trying to describe my hatred for them. Here is my favorite one for you guys to look at so you can get a better idea of what I am talking about.

If you have anymore thoughts concerning Comcast's commercials or other pet peeves feel free to leave a comment.

Well I think that about does it for right now, tune in next time.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Pure unadulterated AWESOMENESS!!!

Just a little something to tide you all over until I update tonight. A friend of mine posted this on facebook and I thought I would share it with you all. It is Spiderman in Japanese. The best part is, it is an old 1970s TV show, and like all things Japanese, they somehow managed to fit robots into it.
So without further adieu here is a link to awesomeness.

Oh and I just added a twitter widget. My twitter name is Rawk_Lobster, so get on an follow me if you please. I'm trying to get everyone I know to use it, I think it is actually pretty cool. Well that about does it, tune in next time.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Time to move on to greener pastures...

Well it has been pretty hectic as of late. For those of you who don't know I am currently in a long distance relationship with my fiance, Sara. Well we both have come to the consensus that we really can't continue our relationship apart for much longer. "Okay, so what does that mean?" you might be asking yourself right now. Don't worry though, we are not splitting up or anything. We have just decided that it would probably be best, for both of us, if I moved back to Montana this summer. This way we can both: A. be together, and B. figure out what we both want to do with our lives.

To be honest Utah hasn't worked out as well as I thought it would (like most well thought out plans, they tend to not go according to plan). I did not get accepted to the University of Utah this year. The job front has been lacking and I have been reduced to living in my Uncle's basement while working a part-time (if you can call it that) job at one of the local elementary schools here in good ol' Tooele County. I guess I picked the wrong time to graduate from college. I recently applied for a job in Virginia City, Montana working as a Tour Guide for the summer. Hopefully that works out well. But nonetheless it seems that I just cannot stay out of this blackhole of a geographical location known as the state of Montana. That is not to say that I loath the thought of working there or even moving back there for the rest of my life. It's just at this point in my life I feel that my place should be elsewhere. I'm not ready to just resign myself to staying in Montana. Granted it is all I have known for the past seven or eight years, my friends and fiance are there, and all of my best recent memories are there as well. I just feel that Montana does not have as much opportunity there for a young college graduate like myself as opposed to other places. I'm glad that I at least have the option of moving back to Montana. It could be worse I suppose, but I guess what I am trying to say is that I am just really confused about what I should do, and that growing up sucks...a lot. If I knew it was going to be this hard when I was say, five or six years old, I probably would have acted like I was retarded or something so I could have an excuse to never leave home. But I guess that is being selfish of me, I just have to roll with the punches and eventually something will come my way I just gotta keep working hard and looking for it.

Any way, enough with this pitty party crap. On the bright side I am going to try to get the whole next week off. It is Sara's spring break so I figure I might as well keep her company for a couple of weeks. It is pretty awesome working for a school. You get all of the student breaks, and the teacher breaks off. Since I am not a licensed teacher, just an aide I don't have to go to all those stuffy and official training meetings. I just get to do whatever I want on my free time which used to be looking for jobs, but now I think that will go on hold for a while until I get back to Montana. Sara said something about how her mom needed some help around her house that week so I am going to do some odd jobs around the house, so it isn't a total vacation I suppose. Anyhow it should be fun. I enjoy driving up to Montana, and I really enjoy spending time with Sara's family.

Speaking of other things I enjoy, today "Kings" premiered on NBC. I missed the first hour of it due to "The Amazing Race," but from the last hour or so I did watch it looks pretty good. It is supposed to be like a reimagining or modern telling of the biblical story of King David. I'm hooked and I didn't even watch the first hour of the premiere. Since my favorite TV show is throwing in the towel next week (Battlestar Galactica-the good one, not the one with the capes and lasers) "Kings" looks like a suitable replacement so far. Looks like this week will be a good TV week. The first new "LOST" in a week will be on, we finally get to see if Sawyer still has the hots for Kate, and hopefully get some answers on this Dharma initiative stuff. And as I mentioned earlier "Battlestar Galactica" ends forever with its two hour season four finale. Looks like Bill Adama and the rest of the crew are going on a suicide mission to rescue Hera from the clutches of the toasters. Who will survive and who will die, it's sure to bring some tears to the eyes. I don't know about you but when good TV shows end it just makes you sad on the inside. You feel like you have been a part of its development, you feel like you know the characters and then all of a sudden the show ends. You are no longer a part of it. Just something to think about I suppose.

Well if you have gotten this far, thanks for reading, tune in next time, and I will try not to be so depressing.

The First Post

Hey everyone! Well I have finally gotten around to starting a blog so everyone and anyone who is interested can find out what is going on in my life. Hopefully I will remember to update it regularly. Right now I don't have too much to write about as I am busy setting it up as of late. I hope to cover a variety of topics here ranging from what is happening in my life, family happenings, music, movies, politics possibly, history, bird watching (I don't consider myself a bird watcher but you never know...), etc... So thanks for tuning in and hopefully I will get this thing up and running real soon!